Birthday 2011

My fiance's birthday.. felt like having fun but how? no scene of his coming to my place until the day before. But i did not lose hope. He came and we spent so much time together that we felt awful at our parting. Though we were satisfied with what fun we had. It felt as if my love went deeper and deeper into my heart and i couldn't explain the feeling. But then by the end of the day within 2 hrs of parting i felt as if i haven't met him in ages. It was all so strange. Missing him so badly all of a sudden.. I guess i did make his birthday memorable. I hope he enjoyed it as much as i did.

Well it was my birthday.. again.. reminds me that i am getting older with more white hair to be worried about.. hehehehe.. cutting the jokes apart i had fun this birthday. Though i missed someone special sorely. But still I am happy that my birthday as a bachelor was fun. My best friend turned up with a cake unexpectedly and gave me all the books I wanted and asked of her. It was thrilling. Then we went out to have lunch and enjoyed Chinese chop soy for the first time. The waiter forgot to give us a fork and we asked for one. He gave us coke instead which was hilarious.
Then we parted after enjoying the day. I went in the evening to have fun at my aunt's function. And then came back home at the normal time.

Waiting

The worst part of life is waiting. I hate it more or less. I am impatient when it comes to tiresome waiting. But circumstances do not allow me to take any step to make changes with that regard. Still i have learnt wee bit of patience. Its seems like ages since I have done something exciting. Its almost two months since we enjoyed so much. It feels like I am bound at home with nothing much to do. I want to go out this Christmas and have some fun. Whether with my friend or alone. i don't care. Even if I get at least 2 hours worth of moving around I would do it. I want some time alone to be with myself or my Friend. I want to have that time of my life back when we used to enjoy a lot. Seems like I wont be getting that part of my life back any soon. As after this month is over preparations are to be looked forward to. My marriage will be the focus of everyone.

I miss my special someone. But he cant be here with me and i would really love to be with him. Its not possible and not as easy as it seems. i have to wait to be with him. I wished and thought that may be this Christmas will be special. I dont want party. I don't want treats, Santa or gifts. I just want either my friend or my special man to be with me this Christmas.

If this is not possible then all i have to do is keep waiting for it to happen next year.

Some tiresome stuff

Now i have got two jobs to handle. I go to college and teach spoken English to B.Ed. girls and in the evening i have my office to go to. Its very difficult and tiresome to manage both. I asked another friend to join me so that I could get some help and she could get the experience. I will be leaving both the jobs by 31 October hopefully.

By now i have met my fiance twice and that too in the space of a month or two. Now he will visit me in October. It will be two months since we last met. I feel sad that we dont meet that often as we are supposed to. People say that the time before marriage is a golden period. But due to some conservative thinking it is not a golden period for me. Its just a passing phase of love for a person you are bound to spend your life with and an exception of not going out with him that often. Just thinking that we wont be there on each others birthdays next month brings such an indefinable pain in the chest that its difficult to bear it. I have been contemplating it whole day. It will be difficult to travel in November and December due to fog. So October is the only month we will get to meet after which we'll get married in Jan straight away.

If this is how i am meant to enjoy and cherish the important moments of special days spent with my fiance then I am fine with it. But being separated for longer period of time with another person I love (first one is Aditi) is taking my all my wits to be reasonable. I am trying to keep heart and be a sport. But the pain would come just by thinking that we wont meet till Jan. I wont be there with him on his special day. Mine is already a tabooed day full of some or the other complication. I wish i could be there with him to spend some time with him on his special day. To make his day special, to give him an excuse of sticking that smile on his face for next 3 months till we meet again.

After Engagement

The life changes after engagement. Now you have someone to talk to late at night. Waiting for the call from someone special. Getting to know him better by staying in touch with him. One gets used to the fact that apart from family and friends there is someone special in life to look after you.

After the engagement I had to go to Kolkata with my best friend Aditi. It was fun to go with her and enjoy my time there and get to know the new city. I did so much shopping that by the end of my stay i started hating it. I fell in the bus and was saved from falling off as the bus drivers dont wait for the passengers to seat before driving their worn down 70 year old bus racing to 100 Km/h putting to shame the new imported fast cars. I liked the city and life. But if i was asked to stay there permanently then i would rather refuse.... I am a girl made for normal small town or city not for a metro. And besides i am engaged and i will be with my betrothed. Traveling in metro trains was a new experience in itself. It was fun and disconcerting too. Going to the temple Dakshineshwar was one exciting experience. I felt the change and liked it. i wanted to run away from my boring and busy life. This change was wholesome and worth it. I wish that i could go to some place every few months just to enjoy it. Back to my city i felt the life goes on.

29 April 2011

A day to be remembered when i took a special care of myself running around getting some make up on my face and putting a gorgeous dress just to look a special person with a special day getting ready for someone special. I have never felt so beautiful or good before in my 25 years of life. All physical factors come in way when it came to that. But this was my day. It was a special one for me. I should look the best.

Reaching the place of engagement before his family was a hurried thing. Then he and his family came. I waited in a room till i was called upon. I was nervous again meeting him after a week. I walked slowly with the entourage of women of my family following me. Can't believe i was bit scared but tried to act goofy in front of my cousin's camera just to annoy him a bit and i felt better. I reached him, sat next to him, tried to see him discreetly but it was not possible with the whole family watching us as if we were on stage which was not the case. Then came the most painful moment of our life. It was greeting every member of our families, receiving gifts and forced to eat laddoos just for the sake of ceremony. Eating all those laddoos made me hate them even more. i was on brink of vomiting it all but we had water and caught my breath for a while. same was the case for him. Finally all this business was done with when it was snack/dinner time which made our stomachs groan with pain of all those laddoos. We shared a plate (insisted by someone), fed each other and i felt closer to him.

Then we were left alone for time being and we exchanged our phone no.s and email. We got a bit personal that day and i accepted the fact that this guy is my future. I should do my best not to let that smile slip off his face. May be it was the penance for my past sins or his being gullible and sweet made me vow that. Finally it was time for them to leave. I felt different as if now i have someone in my life and i am not single any more. Some things were left unsaid and were waiting to be said at proper time. They were going. Everyone was teasing him and me. We took it all sportingly. They left and then i came back home alone in status but with someone in heart.

A turning point in life

A turning point in life

Life is a journey. Its a fact. Everyone knows it. But there is a turning point in everyone's life. Whether one slips on this turning point or deals with it as per the circumstances depends on the individual. I had a big turning point in my life in April 2011. I met the guy i was supposed to spend my life with for the first time of my life. Lemme explain from the beginning.

It was 12 April 2011. The whole family of the prospective groom was supposed to come at my place to officially meet me. It was a tiring day but an exciting evening. Seeing him first was like a kind of shock. He was sitting on a sofa opposite me. Instead of saying Hi which was expected of me i did namaste. How stupid and nervous i could be i cant imagine. I sat on the sofa opposite him and tried to observe his family members discreetly. His father, mother, sisters all looked at me. Then his mother and sisters started asking questions of me which were expected of them. My aunt offered us to go in my parent's room and spend some time together. Though the rest followed i was nervous. I kept thinking O God! help me how should i manage this. When we were alone for time being. We talked like mature adults do. All the time my heart beating furiously making me aware that i was being nervous. I liked the guy. But it was all serious talk we had and i felt as if i know him. He is like an open book for me. I felt i could see a part of myself in him. It was a strange feeling. I thought i couldn't get a better guy than him if i get to marry him. Time passed. They left and the whole family crowded on me that what we were talking about for 1/2 hr which was too much time according to them to be given. I answered them and then we got busy clearing the place off.

At night i was talking to some people online and was trying to bury the constant ravaging thoughts of whats next? what if i am rejected since we didn't get a clear answer immediately. All these thoughts were dispelled at 11 P.M. that night when they called up to inform me that they agree on this union. It was a big relief but now i faced another problem which was how to accept a new person in my life. A strange feeling but acceptable at once. Lets see what happens on our engagement on 29th April.

Curious Play (closing theme)

If I were to call out your name, I might wake up suddenly.
I should’ve known this was too good to be true.
There’s no way the same coincidence could happen twice.

Your eyes never leave a girl in the crowd with the same hairstyle as me.
You must be looking for someone.
Maybe you’re in love with her?

But when our eyes finally met, that girl turned out to be me.
No way, this can’t be, you’re walking towards me.

Flames of passion begin to run through my entire body.
I had better keep my wits about me, otherwise I might be consumed.
But I can’t exactly today. I feel like a little lost kitten.
If you show me the slightest compassion, I’ll just have to follow you home.

But now, what you’re telling me is just too much the same.
You’re saying the exact same thing you told me in the dream last night.

There’s a one in a million possibility that my dream could come true.
But you tell me, "That ‘one in a million’ is me."

Flames of passion burn intensely.
I must extinguish them right away before I get hurt.
But I can’t, exactly. I kind of want to get closer to you.
When you’re not even tangible, you can’t expect me to catch up to you.

But when our eyes finally met, that girl turned out to be me.
No way, this can’t be, you’re walking towards me.

Flames of passion begin to run through my entire body.
I had better keep my wits about me, otherwise I might be consumed.
But I can’t exactly today. I feel like a little lost kitten.
If you show me the slightest compassion, I’ll just have to follow you home.

A big trip to Punjab

When a person starts feeling his/her life dull and without adventures then one starts thinking whats the purpose of leading such a boring life? Well, same happened to yours truly a month ago when a telephone call for an invitation to attend a cousin's marriage came. I for one was against going but and yes there is a big BUT i was dragged along. My parents and i were the ones to make this trip in Jan. Try sleeping in the lower berth with 3 men snoring above you will win the awards for a sound sleeper. The trip was fine till in the morning a gentleman came down from his berth and started chatting with my parents and ultimately asked me which class do u study?? Seriously, as i grow older the questions such as these have become infuriating not to mention me and my bro are thought of as twins now (he being older in their opinion while its opposite). I am a girl with a job not a class 10 student!! well this thing was dealt with diplomatically and had a chatty trip to the place.

The day we reached there, we just met people had lunch twice, our stomach muscles were paining from all that food so we went shopping. Attended functions and held the same scenario all 3 days till i came back. Our journey back was tiring and painful with the train being late and us running hungry. Not to mention the tension of lugging the luggage since we brought back the double no. of bags than what we took with us. My parents are not allowed to carry heavy loads so i was a coolie for time being till we found some for such work.

Talking about making a journey is quite easy but actually making is difficult. I understand that but at least i liked the fun and happiness i got by making this trip after 4 years. No one reading this will believe that i haven't left the state in four years. How could I? My folks are conservative after all.