Tired

Its been a week....I am obsessed and tired with my sudden passion for beads. One reading this post won't believe that i have not been able to eat, sleep or think properly for a week now since i got obsessed with the making of beaded curtains. I have been thinking heavily of them. Its been ages since i have indulged in any jewellery related project. May be 2 years back i had a project. Now I have to do something about my obsession. I am frustrated. I am tired. I take 6 hours of sleep everyday and still can't figure out the pattern i should and could use for this small project. I have to finish it before Diwali. The reason for all this is below.

It was my idea to make curtains for my home mandir. But despite of looking for material in this city i can't find what i am looking for. I tried approaching the online stores to buy the supplies but unfortunately the websites work but their owners don't. Now i found this wonderful website beadingdaily.com where all the required patterns are available for free download. I found that there are various complex designs which I can easily use with provided instructions. But still I am stuck with the only cliché, beads. Where do I get them? What should I do? I closed my eyes 2 days back in the afternoon for a short nap and could only envision the design i formulated. But when I opened my eyes I had severe headache due to restless tossing and turning. Now I am frustrated due to lack of resources for us housewives when it comes to such stuff. I can't go alone since I am unfamiliar with the streets of the city. I always have to wait for a weekend for my husband or sister to be free of their office work to take me. Sometimes the week seems too long for me.

Now I am working on the designs for jewellery of idols. I hope it works for me from keeping me frustrated. Just one more day left to go the market. *sigh*

Almost there

I know this is bit late in coming but I didn't have time in last 8 months to write down my story so far. I have been busy. December 21, 2011 was the day I last posted. Now its August 28, 2012. Hmmm... Let me see what happened during the space of these 5 months. First of all I went through beauty treatments. It was hard for me in the cold month but manageable. Next thing was a boring New Year without any party to look forward to. I asked my best friend Anvita to come and stay with me till i got married which was a boon for me. After that came January 15, 2012; one of the most memorable days of my life. It was the day of my Ladie's Sangeet. A special occasion for an Indian Bride-to-be. The ladies sing various traditional songs and dance too. In my case since I was not getting married in my home-town, this event was supposed to be a gala one. Everyone I knew from my childhood to adult days turned up. People danced and sang. My sisters performed a medley and my aunts sang songs. It was heart touching. The Old and New generation danced which was new for the audience that day. I looked good for a change. My in-laws couldn't turn up as they had some technical problems to deal with. Finally my eldest cousin was celebrating his anniversary the same day. It was fun. The bad thing was that his leg was fractured and he couldn't move around much. All in all we enjoyed it.

Finally after going through painful parlour treatments I had my looks changed a bit. A few guests came to stay at my place and January 20, 2012 arrived with lots of tension and lack of sleep. Yes lack of sleep on my part....I was practically sleeping before we left for Lucknow. I get carsick easily so had to control the urge to throw up during the whole journey. Had to lean on Anvita's shoulder the whole time. As we were about to reach Lucknow I called up Varun to tell him we were about to reach. He seemed over the moon just to hear it. My heart fluttered but controlled my emotion so as to not to spoil the car. :D We reached the bungalows we hired. I was set to leave for the parlour immediately to get ready for Ring Ceremony. I felt nervous and butterflies fluttered in my stomach. I was composed the whole time but outwardly I and Anvita joked the whole time. I know she might have been feeling the time passing by and my time to leave coming nearer. But she maintained her poise. Going to that god-damned parlour was the worst thing I had ever done. The beauticians wouldn't let my friend get ready. They had these printouts posted inside that women accompanying the bride are not allowed to get ready without paying a fee. As if my friend was asking to use their make-up and other stuff. Stupid People!! They allowed her to get ready since we insisted that we had just arrived from outside the city and she had no time to leave me and come back again. As if this was not enough those idiots wouldn't let me go without paying up. This was a bad situation. We were not informed beforehand when we booked the parlour of this obligation. Finally my aunt came and talked to them and we left. I was really very angry at the time. But all the anger vanished when I entered the place of ceremony. People were coming to gawk at me as if I was an alien or had two heads.

We had a small photo session and then I was led to the room where both the families were waiting for me. My fiancé Varun looked handsome and glad to see me. When I stood next to him I felt warmth from him and the cold I felt at the time seemed to go away. The rings were exchanged and I felt something new has happened in my life now. I had already accepted that I will be going with him, but accepting it and feeling it time and again were two different things. A sense of sadness mingled with love were present in me throughout the ceremony. When I was about to leave I felt I was about to step into something new which was too true to be denied. 

Birthday 2011

My fiance's birthday.. felt like having fun but how? no scene of his coming to my place until the day before. But i did not lose hope. He came and we spent so much time together that we felt awful at our parting. Though we were satisfied with what fun we had. It felt as if my love went deeper and deeper into my heart and i couldn't explain the feeling. But then by the end of the day within 2 hrs of parting i felt as if i haven't met him in ages. It was all so strange. Missing him so badly all of a sudden.. I guess i did make his birthday memorable. I hope he enjoyed it as much as i did.

Well it was my birthday.. again.. reminds me that i am getting older with more white hair to be worried about.. hehehehe.. cutting the jokes apart i had fun this birthday. Though i missed someone special sorely. But still I am happy that my birthday as a bachelor was fun. My best friend turned up with a cake unexpectedly and gave me all the books I wanted and asked of her. It was thrilling. Then we went out to have lunch and enjoyed Chinese chop soy for the first time. The waiter forgot to give us a fork and we asked for one. He gave us coke instead which was hilarious.
Then we parted after enjoying the day. I went in the evening to have fun at my aunt's function. And then came back home at the normal time.

Waiting

The worst part of life is waiting. I hate it more or less. I am impatient when it comes to tiresome waiting. But circumstances do not allow me to take any step to make changes with that regard. Still i have learnt wee bit of patience. Its seems like ages since I have done something exciting. Its almost two months since we enjoyed so much. It feels like I am bound at home with nothing much to do. I want to go out this Christmas and have some fun. Whether with my friend or alone. i don't care. Even if I get at least 2 hours worth of moving around I would do it. I want some time alone to be with myself or my Friend. I want to have that time of my life back when we used to enjoy a lot. Seems like I wont be getting that part of my life back any soon. As after this month is over preparations are to be looked forward to. My marriage will be the focus of everyone.

I miss my special someone. But he cant be here with me and i would really love to be with him. Its not possible and not as easy as it seems. i have to wait to be with him. I wished and thought that may be this Christmas will be special. I dont want party. I don't want treats, Santa or gifts. I just want either my friend or my special man to be with me this Christmas.

If this is not possible then all i have to do is keep waiting for it to happen next year.

Some tiresome stuff

Now i have got two jobs to handle. I go to college and teach spoken English to B.Ed. girls and in the evening i have my office to go to. Its very difficult and tiresome to manage both. I asked another friend to join me so that I could get some help and she could get the experience. I will be leaving both the jobs by 31 October hopefully.

By now i have met my fiance twice and that too in the space of a month or two. Now he will visit me in October. It will be two months since we last met. I feel sad that we dont meet that often as we are supposed to. People say that the time before marriage is a golden period. But due to some conservative thinking it is not a golden period for me. Its just a passing phase of love for a person you are bound to spend your life with and an exception of not going out with him that often. Just thinking that we wont be there on each others birthdays next month brings such an indefinable pain in the chest that its difficult to bear it. I have been contemplating it whole day. It will be difficult to travel in November and December due to fog. So October is the only month we will get to meet after which we'll get married in Jan straight away.

If this is how i am meant to enjoy and cherish the important moments of special days spent with my fiance then I am fine with it. But being separated for longer period of time with another person I love (first one is Aditi) is taking my all my wits to be reasonable. I am trying to keep heart and be a sport. But the pain would come just by thinking that we wont meet till Jan. I wont be there with him on his special day. Mine is already a tabooed day full of some or the other complication. I wish i could be there with him to spend some time with him on his special day. To make his day special, to give him an excuse of sticking that smile on his face for next 3 months till we meet again.

After Engagement

The life changes after engagement. Now you have someone to talk to late at night. Waiting for the call from someone special. Getting to know him better by staying in touch with him. One gets used to the fact that apart from family and friends there is someone special in life to look after you.

After the engagement I had to go to Kolkata with my best friend Aditi. It was fun to go with her and enjoy my time there and get to know the new city. I did so much shopping that by the end of my stay i started hating it. I fell in the bus and was saved from falling off as the bus drivers dont wait for the passengers to seat before driving their worn down 70 year old bus racing to 100 Km/h putting to shame the new imported fast cars. I liked the city and life. But if i was asked to stay there permanently then i would rather refuse.... I am a girl made for normal small town or city not for a metro. And besides i am engaged and i will be with my betrothed. Traveling in metro trains was a new experience in itself. It was fun and disconcerting too. Going to the temple Dakshineshwar was one exciting experience. I felt the change and liked it. i wanted to run away from my boring and busy life. This change was wholesome and worth it. I wish that i could go to some place every few months just to enjoy it. Back to my city i felt the life goes on.

29 April 2011

A day to be remembered when i took a special care of myself running around getting some make up on my face and putting a gorgeous dress just to look a special person with a special day getting ready for someone special. I have never felt so beautiful or good before in my 25 years of life. All physical factors come in way when it came to that. But this was my day. It was a special one for me. I should look the best.

Reaching the place of engagement before his family was a hurried thing. Then he and his family came. I waited in a room till i was called upon. I was nervous again meeting him after a week. I walked slowly with the entourage of women of my family following me. Can't believe i was bit scared but tried to act goofy in front of my cousin's camera just to annoy him a bit and i felt better. I reached him, sat next to him, tried to see him discreetly but it was not possible with the whole family watching us as if we were on stage which was not the case. Then came the most painful moment of our life. It was greeting every member of our families, receiving gifts and forced to eat laddoos just for the sake of ceremony. Eating all those laddoos made me hate them even more. i was on brink of vomiting it all but we had water and caught my breath for a while. same was the case for him. Finally all this business was done with when it was snack/dinner time which made our stomachs groan with pain of all those laddoos. We shared a plate (insisted by someone), fed each other and i felt closer to him.

Then we were left alone for time being and we exchanged our phone no.s and email. We got a bit personal that day and i accepted the fact that this guy is my future. I should do my best not to let that smile slip off his face. May be it was the penance for my past sins or his being gullible and sweet made me vow that. Finally it was time for them to leave. I felt different as if now i have someone in my life and i am not single any more. Some things were left unsaid and were waiting to be said at proper time. They were going. Everyone was teasing him and me. We took it all sportingly. They left and then i came back home alone in status but with someone in heart.